I know you're in suspense, but don't worry: my dumbass cat is totally okay. A month after this debacle and he's back to 100%, though I doubt he learned anything from it.
He was certainly trying to re-injure himself. He spent the next two weeks trying to pull his staples out. The big plastic cone-collar took care of that. See the pictures below (taken Feb 11).
Would have posted these pictures sooner, but we've been pretty busy in the past month. You see, we bought a condo.