(File this story under: turbo-nerd.)

Even though it doesn't come out until July 4, 2007, and shooting has barely started, I think it's still a solid bet that the Transformers live-action movie is gonna suck. Let's look at the evidence:

• It's being directed by that ass-clown Michael Bay.
• All of the screenwriters (Alex Kurtzman, Roberto Orci, John Rogers) have a proven track record of pumping out nothing but shit. Need examples? How about Catwoman? Need more? Mission: Impossible 3, The Island, The Core, The Legend Of Zorro.

Seriously, if you're looking to produce a massive big-budget would-be blockbuster that audiences will totally ignore, these are your guys! You know what's crazier? Steven Spielberg himself is an executive producer, so it's a plausible assumption that he had to greenlight these guys. That would mean he actually thinks these imbeciles are good choices!

Unfortunately, no matter how bad they botch this up, the movie will still make a crapload of money and these guys will think they totally did a rockin' good job. And if the effects are as good as these European car ads, my money will no doubt be contributing to that undesirable conclusion.

As evidenced by the fact that I even care about all this, you've no doubt figured out that I'm a fan of the old Transformers cartoon. (The 80s one, I mean, none of the more recent anime-influenced junk.) I'm avid enough to have the DVDs and some toys and some comic books, but not quite lame enough to put the Autobots decal on my car (though did I consider it some years ago). So I really want this movie to rock. I want to see giant transforming robots fighting with each other and I want the story to be slightly better than the half-hour cartoons that were mainly produced with the intent to sell (awesome) toys.

But at least one good detail has emerged. Friday at the San Diego Comic-Con it was announced that Peter Cullen, the original voice of Optimus Prime, will reprise his role for this film. The fact that this was even in question for the past 6+ months shows that the creative staff doesn't know what they're developing. Not casting this guy as Prime would be like shooting a Gettysburg movie and casting Justin Timberlake as Abraham Lincoln beacuse it'll be a dynamic revisioning of the character that will appeal better to the target 18-32 demographic. In other words, dork blasphemy. (Unfortuately, we'd probably still buy tickets even then. But we'd be cursing as we did so.)

Postscript: While "researching" this post, I found something that is awesome to an unholy degree. Behold, a 40 foot statue of Optimus Prime has been erected in the southern China province of Yunnan. I'm... wow. Wow.